Don’t Minimize Your Losses!
Written by: Dinelsa Morales, Ph.D, TFC, MSW Intern
For: Hispanic Family Counseling Inc. Newsletter September 2023 Edition
Human beings experience daily losses. Some are perceived as stronger than others. And every human being develops or learns different skills to cope with each stressful event in life. But, something we must think about is that it does not matter if the loss is one recognized as important or one recognized as insignificant, each and every one of them entails a grieving process. For decades, human beings have tried to minimize the pain and changes that a loss produces in the heart, emotions and life of the individual.
First, let's define what experiences are considered losses: the death of a loved one, loss of a pet, divorce, loss of a child (born or unborn), family separation, loss of a job, moving to another place, financial loss, loss of social status, loss of a home, loss of physical ability or functioning, retirement, the deterioration of a loved one due to a chronic medical condition, any change in the stages of family evolution (e.g. marriage, nest emptiness or birth of a child), among many things that can mean emotional pain for an individual. But how is it that human beings consider some losses to be accepted and others not? Explaining this statement, we can say that many of us validate the emotions of anguish and pain to what we consider to be socially acceptable, losing a loved one for example, socially we recognize that it is a pain that requires going through a grieving process. However, losses such as finishing a job, separating from your family due to military activation, retirement, among others... are recognized as experiences that you must overcome instantly. These are not given the value of the pain that the process can entail. And unfortunately many people come to receive help because they feel guilty for feeling deep feelings about these types of experiences.
For this reason, it is necessary to stop minimizing the pain experiences that an individual experiences. Each human being must learn to recognize their processes and process each of them for what they are, difficult and distressing moments, which cause emotional pain, a high level of stress and in some cases can even transform the life circumstances of a person. individual. A process of adapting to a new neighborhood, community or state is as painful and stressful as the pain you perceive from losing a loved one. They are deep pains, which sometimes take time to allow yourself to accept the change. The pain of receiving a medical diagnosis that will transform your daily functioning is as valid and distressing as recognizing that you should no longer get up to work every morning, this will also disrupt your daily functioning, these are processes in which we need to re-learn new coping skills. .
The important point is that pain is pain, no matter what label your experience has. Pain must be faced, it will make us angry, we will need to negotiate with ourselves and with the world, we will cry and in the end we will realize that there is always hope at the end of the tunnel and we will find a new way of living, the sun will rise again! If you need help we are just a call away for you.